VDT is the nifty street speak slogan that I coined as the short form title of our upcoming film, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. This one is actually accompanied by a proper script; a script that follows the original storyline of the novel fairly closely (especially if you take into consideration that fact that Anna P. and I wrote it). It is a whopping 25 pages of awesome, less than half of which is filler (honestly!) The script was drafted in 2003, when we were but young ‘uns; it has spent the last seven years in computer file purgatory while we were all out pursuing other various educational, recreational and vocational enterprises. I have since deemed that the tender age upon which we embarked on the task of writing this fine screenplay is what can be blamed for the hefty amount of drug, alcohol and sexual references peppering the document.
Below is an unabridged excerpt from the original script. Yes, this is actually what we wrote, word for word. An uninvolved third party just read it through and declared “you guys are weird”. Take that for what it’s worth…
The Dark Island
(“Time passing” music. Random shots of chess playing, badsportsmanlike chess losing, and spirited chess victories… Sword fighting and carousing and singing… “We’ve got cabin fe-ver!”…)
Caspian: Look! A huge mass of black! Let’s sail towards it!
Drinian: I don’t think it looks safe.
Edmund: I almost think he’s right. Almost.
Caspian: And why not, I ask you? WHY NOT?
Lucy: Because it’s dark…?
(They sail towards it. They enter the darkness. Everyone starts to get uneasy. The hear an inhuman cry.)
Eustace: Did you hear that inhuman cry?
Man (in water): Take me on board! Take me on board! Mercy!
Caspian: Bring him aboard! (Drinian shuffles forward with a 2 x 4.) Argh! I’ll do it myself! (Hauls guy aboard. Shifty-eyed and disheveled. Undeniable stench. Man babbles incessantly about wheat snack crackers and missing puzzle pieces.)
Man: Fly! Fly! Run from this accursed shore! (gestures madly. Gets little reaction.) This is the island where dreams come true!
(Much cheering and manly guffawing.)
Edmund (circling head with finger): Batty! Quite batty!
Man: Fools! Not dreams, DREAMS!!!
Reepicheep (to Caspian): Are we going to tolerate this mutiny? This paltroonery?
Caspian (grimly): There are some things no man should face (covers his dick).
Reepicheep: Then I thank the stars I am not a man.
Eustace (wringing hands): We’ll never get out! We’ll never get out!
Lucy: Help us, Aslan! If ever we did need you, help us, now!
(A bird appears.)
Caspian: Look! A bird!
(They follow the bird out of the darkness.)
Man (unasked): When I was worth anything, men called me the Lord Rhoop. (Ignored in general.)
Caspian: Yes! Heigh ho! Let there be grog all ‘round. I feel like I could sleep the clock ‘round myself. But first, let us get rid of some dead weight….
(Caspain and Drinian exchange nods.)
(They throw Rhoop overboard.)
(Lucy and Edmund exchange nods.)
(They throw Reepicheep overboard. Everyone lies down and goes to sleep.)